Away once more

Will be away from Wednesday morn through to Saturday evening.

Am headed to the land of pongs, chis and krups.

I need sleep.

Fear is only as deep as the mind allows

Fear. What is fear?

Fear is stepping stone towards success. I vividly recall how much the tiny fear dwelled within me just 5 days before. The thought of re-reading the email from a client almost caused me to freeze. The thought of criticism and sudden truth of inadequacy gripped me by the throat and I almost wanted to take flight. It would have been easy to take a turn and shrink from the face of challenge. Yet I knew I had to fight it. The fear of fighting criticism. It wasn't so much about the fear of man or how people would perceive me. Rather, it's me. Come on, various personalities each have their own area of weaknesses. Should I tell the student to overcome fears in their lives, I have to do the same. That's integrity.

Today marks the turning point. God honoured me in prayers. The same lady who commented on my questionable command of language, then, also commented on how pleased she was with the session. Oh, how I felt like dancing. How I felt like singing! I couldn't contain it but share with the Team over lunch and it brought them smiles too!

I faced 103 over the last 3 days. 25.5hrs of standing. 25.5hrs of altering mindsets. I must give all credit to Him who sustained me. I must admit I was tired on Day 2, lunch. I knocked out at a good 10.30pm. I slept past the usual waking time. Good thing I don't reside far away from the venue.

Oh, I am excited! I felt like I preached. Boy the feeling was great.

500

I will get there.

Banana Nut Crunch

The title has absolutely no relation to this post. You may, in whatever sense possible, attempt to link or by some weird and weak connection, imagine that it is related. It's not. I just happened to see the box of cereal in front of me, right now.

Blogging has evolved over the many years. Since 2003, I have heard of people 'blogging'. Some emo, some serious, some casual, some use it to improve their language, some just attention seeking. Me? I started off talking rubbish. Then, unintentionally, I moved on to doing a food blog. Multiple posts on chocs and yummy dishes. Thereafter, I spoke in parables which a few heavenly minds understood. I now talk a little more sense, I hope.

It's interesting once you study and understanding the psychology of youths. You can talk in their language and address mindsets. You can do the same for teachers and parents who have very different sets of pertinent issues lurking at the back of their minds. And guess what, you can also do the same for readers of your blog! Just write on some controversial contents and voila! You get people screaming at you. Write a little further on how much you need help and are suffering all by yourself while nobody seems to understand, let alone care or show concern. *sob sob* What happens next would be sms-es and phonecalls on whether you're fine... if you're free for a meal... if everythings' fine...etc. Not bad huh. If you talk about ending your life, I really wonder what will follow. Chances are, you wouldn't blog about it. That's too loser a thing for someone who toys with suicide. Therefore, I shall not blog about it. (NO, I'm just kidding.)

But hey! I don't know if I fall into any of the above mentioned category. I just talk from my mind. Sometimes, it's empty. At other times, I talk too much. Most of the time, I talk about things which I simply don't talk about unless I type. Weird huh. I think I'm schizophrenic. Maybe I find it hard to express in words. Maybe I'm a right brain in this area.

I'm Coach E**** (students can easily search for me) by day, sleepy zombie by night. I talk all about things around me by day, I talk heart to heart at night. I type real life incidents and reports by day, I type about my thoughts by night. Boy, how many people share the way I just wrote? Plenty. It's weird. But it's real. Beneath the daily facades put on by many students, lies an empty heart waiting to be filled. Once unmet, they will step out and search for any thing, person, object, lifestyle, language and even behaviour to fill it up. If it's the wrong step, then help came a little late. Not all that late, just a little. It would mean more healing. More tearing down and rebuilding. More regrets in the future. More mindsets to alter. It could also mean greater glory when divine transformation takes place. It could mean an opportunity to find hope once more. It could also mean a chance for YOU to step in.

by Casting Crowns,
She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know
She's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that'stucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away
If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

There's much to be done. I can only do this much. I am not just a Coach. I'm a Christian Coach. The battle has begun months again. It has just intensified. And I will fight not by might nor by power. God empower me :)

Who says it's going to be easy?

Always remember why you started this journey.
Always cling onto the roots that grew from the seed you planted; rather, planted in you..
The seed of passion.
People argued.
People defended.
People tried to make sense out of being rational.
People also attempted to justify actions out of the boundaries of passion.
Well, I'm not sure about them, but I do want to be sure of what I'm doing and I will continue to dream of 500 until I get there.

Ah, I still vividly recall a student who saw me doodling on the whiteboard and questioned what I was doing. I said 500.

500 of them.

Gambette!

The first quarter's over. I thought I could take a break. I was wrong. I'm into the 3rd week of April and May does look bleak from the way it appears. Scary could be the word.

The above were words of a man weak in his mind. Psychologically weak. When the mind has made a decision, half the outcome of the battle has also been determined. I'm resolved to fight it out. I can't take flight.

Who says it's going to be easy anyway?

It's in making an active choice to take a step forward given the knowledge of an exciting journey ahead.

And so, I will face my fears. Yes, I do not speak fluently. Neither do I throw the most witty and tickling jokes. But I will allow Him to work through me. I will hold onto my passion and let it burn. I will fight and I will overcome. I must. Or it will all come back to me one day.

See, my heart. I will not allow fears to overwhelm me. Gambette!

I am well rested. I will continue to rest in my labour.

ouch

Well rested & glad

3 days.

I would love to post some pictures up but I no longer dare to do so. FEAR. Induced fear. Wldn't want to see my pictures floating somewhere else, especially in handphones.

Prior to the trip, I received an sms. A rather shocking one. A close buddy got into an accident which got him into a pretty bad shape, literally. It was a simple sms with details that spoke loudly to me. It became clearer to me after I made a call and realised he did not contact anyone else within the group of friends.

I started to ponder over the 3 days. 2 years of friendship in a secondary school setting. Another 2 years in the same college but with minimum contact. Thereafter, we were on our own. Yet he was there when I needed help. I went down when he needed support. It takes 2 hands to clap. That sms brought me to understand what it means to have a friend. I mean, everyone has a different definition of a friend and what to expect out of a friendship. But I do have to agree that it does take 2 hands to clap.

A recent comment took me by surprise when one asked if I'm alright because I seemed detached from the usual group of friends. Hmm... maybe because I'm attached?? Hahaha, but that's seriously out of the question. I do have people around me who actively keep me updated about their lives and so do I. I'm glad for such friends.

Perhaps it's a needful rest from after work. Perhaps it's just a lack of involvement by not asking or probing. Perhaps it's a different ball game when what I need now isn't random and mindless chatters. Perhaps I am unable to render a listening ear simply because I'm unaware of situations. While I was 3 years younger & enjoying the liberty of time, I often asked why I couldn't quite connect with those who are working. I guess I can understand now. After a while, it gets no where. Yes, it can carry on with mindless chats and of course, the short and uninitiated conversations. But like I mentioned, it's pointless.

Yet if that's the case, then people after me will also go through the same process if they do grow up. Hmm... eventually, they will have to get here. I can't possibly wait. I guess I need to find a common topic which both can appreciate and walk towards.

I can't wait to catch up with that buddy. He has extended the invitation. How can I not reciprocrate?

Time has not been on my side. I see the need to prioritise. Weekends are precious, so are my weekday evenings. Gosh, I sound like I'm still in the army!

And alas!

The 3 days retreat was great. I am well rested. I felt a little bad for not being at the ES on Sunday, but I shouldn't feel that way. I really shouldn't. Uncle did explain, but the humanistic side says nah... maybe it's a culture dated many years back. Nonetheless, I shall not speak much.

The retreat was gd, necessary. It made things very clear to me. I just needed to take a step back :) happy like bird

Grateful

The first quarter of 2008 has slipped past just like that.

In a quick twinkle of an eye.

Close to 250hrs of training for the last 3 months.

Almost 3000 students.

And lots of blessings, both physically & material. Never seen the bank account like this before. For a moment I thought someone owed me money and just returned in full. And that's not all, there's another portion coming up. Having said that, I realised I can now afford a decent camera lens & a decent bicycle frame (with very decent components to go with), both first hand. And I would still have excess amount left over. I see the returns of pledging.

The amount given, in retrospect, was rather staggering. I guess that's what they call a Faith Pledge. I did not go hungry. When I was thirsty, I could afford a drink. When I needed clothes, I had enough to wear. When I had to spend, I could. All with a small amount to play with. And now, He is simply honouring the simple contract of showing me the fact that I can't out-give Him.

I'm not here to brag or show off. Neither is this an opportunity to ask me for a treat, as is the practice of some friends I have. They are really good at this because I often do it in front of them. Anyway, it's just a platform for me to show off God's goodness. YEA!

This is what I call my cup is being run over, overflowing. Yes, in the form of material. In the form of financial liberty. In the form of joy, satisfaction and a peace of mind.

I'm grateful for a Team that works together, prays together and labour together.

I'm grateful for the steep learning curve.

I'm grateful for the strength in both the body and the mind.

I'm grateful for a life partner who keeps me in prayers each day.

I'm grateful for fellow brothers who are working and shares the same understanding for one another. One who does not hold back necessary comments that I need to hear.

I'm grateful for the rest I have received.

I'm grateful for the rest I am about to receive.

Having said all that, I'm headed to Batam from Friday through to Sunday noon. I'm not going for a diving trip. Neither am I going for any rock wall climbing expedition. I'm going for my Team retreat and will be enjoying all that they have to offer! Spas...massages which I really want to have...Food...and simply time with the Team, without work! Needful rest without undue work and pressure.

I will be missing LG this friday. I will be missing BB this Saturday. I will be missing Enrolment Service this Sunday. I will also be missing Jac's sharing, of which I have already heard though. But I will be rested. I decided I should not do things for the sake of doing so and at the expense of not being well rested. And so, the race goes on. I'll be taking my pit stop this weekend.

Don't call me on my mobile unless it's life and death matters.