On the goal

Some months backs, an incident took place that left me feeling indignant and very much frustrated because of the state of helplessness I felt.

Some weeks back, I had a conversation that until today, I can vividly recall. In it, were emotions that I do not carry the capacity to express in words.

Some days back, I watched an elderly man with polio, selling packets of tissue papers to hungry Singaporeans seated along the streets of Malaysia. I felt it. But did nothing about it.

These situations, that created both emotions and feelings, were moments of possible change in the lives of many. Yet, whatever I felt, remained as mere emotions and feelings. I did not take them any further, neither did they take me any further than just another thought to rationalize my lack of energy, compassion and pure lackadaisical attitude towards what I believe. Too smart for myself? No grounding of conviction?

That struck me hard. As I pondered and reflect upon the seemingly great strength of inertia in me, I felt no less than any ordinary selfish being I see walking around me.

It's all about me.

I care only about the things that revolve around me.

I care only for the things that form a big part of my life.

I care only for the things that my hands can easily reach, anything beyond stretch is outside my realm of comfort.

Oh that sucks.

Years back, I would have killed myself if I left that man alone without attempting to make a difference. I asked what would drive me to reach out to that man. What would compel me to do such an act that not many pigs would? Was it love and compassion for him? Or was it standards and expectations to fulfill? At least now I know, if I get out of my seat to do what I know is right, it's because I wanted to make his day a better one. The conviction belongs to me.

I finally come to understand that bringing individuals to an emotion high without pure conviction, will leave them hanging and only to feel the heavy impact years later. Some of my peers felt it earlier than me, some probably still refuse to admit plain facts and truth. But hey, good news - it's not too late :)

Enough of self-centered living. I need to get moving once more. Oh I need to.

There are plenty of students out there. One of us can put a thousand to flight. Two of us - can send the legions fleeing.

Let me start from me.